Honesty

Being honest with oneself is one of the most important qualities a person can have. Without it, someone can go their entire lives with large personality flaws and not even realize it. These are the type of flaws that can really mess up some big things in a persons life.. whether it be relationships, careers, families, or friendships. The more honest you are in life about the big things..those that are most important.. the easier it is to be honest about smaller things in life. Lately, poker has been the thing I've been focusing most of my thinking time on.. and after talking to some people I respect, I realized my poker game isn't solid enough to do what I want to do in the future. In fact, it's not even really that good. How do I know it's not good? I only feel it's good when I'm running well. IMO, even if things are going bad, you should still have the confidence in your game to work through it, and if you don't..that's a sign that there are some huge leaks that need to be fixed.

Over the last few days, I've come to the realization that my game simply isn't that good. It's good enough to be a marginal winner when things are going well.. but I'm realizing that I'm barely a better player than I was a year or two ago. I certainly think about poker differently in a theoretical sense...but when it comes to actually playing, I still make many of the same mistakes I did then. This is why I've realized I need to really focus on reconstructing the way I play and, more importantly, the way I think while playing. Too much auto-pilot... to much of taking the standard line when it's obvious that another line is a better play.. not enough thinking things through. I want to take the rest of the year to make myself a better player on and off the tables.. and I'm going to do that while playing at 2 new sites.

For most of my poker time, I've played pretty much all of my hands at poker stars.. and then added some full tilt poker in the last year or so. Now I plan on grinding softer sites. I have some money on bodog atm that I plan on nursing through sngs into a bankroll for 10nl (the lowest offered on bodog).. and I plan on clearing as much of the ftp bonus as I can, and then moving to rpm poker (merge network) for their amazingly soft games (according to bonuswhores.com) and 30-40% rakeback. It makes no sense for me to grind on the toughest sites available, when easy money is available at smaller sites. I'm not looking to become the next durrrr and beat up the 500/1k games.. I'm looking to make some decent side money to help pad savings accounts, help pay off student loans, allow me to do extra fun things, and maybe sock some into retirement... and I think playing at the soft sites helps me achieve those goals much easier.

For now.. the plan is to stop being a hypocrite. For those that know me, they know I post in the beginners forum on 2p2 a lot.. probably more than I should.. and I always offer advice for how to get better (watch dc videos, study, get review sessions, post hands etc..) and I have never once followed any of that advice.. and it's time I start.

The goals I set out for 2009 at the beginning of this blog no longer apply.. 2009 is now about starting over and learning to do it right.. or being honest with myself and realize that I won't be anything more than a casual micro grinder who failed to reach any potential I might have.... either way, the final months of 2009 will be interesting but tough.