Coming in like a Lion

With March less than a week away, I feel I'm starting to hit a bit of a groove with cash games. I still find myself playing sng's from time to time, which is fine as I do well in them when focused, but I've cut most mtt's out unless I have a long block to play..which isn't very often with school/work. I'm still bouncing back and forth between 5nl and 10nl, which is fine imo. When I'm in the mood to play and focus, it's 10nl, and when I feel like 1-tabling auto-pilot while watching a hockey game and surfing 2+2 its 5nl. My plan for the next week is to roar into March like a lion (as the old saying goes). For the rest of Feb and the majority of March, I plan on focusing on beating up 10nl. I have a spring break about 3 weeks in, so I hope to be able to put in some decent volume that week, so I'm hoping to get in 15-20k hands, 90% of which I want to be at 10nl. I do plan on playing 5-7 4.40s, as I've done well in the last few I've played, despite being completely card dead..and I plan on playing in the intra-forum bracket match-up on 2+2.

Overall I've been happy with my cash games, esp. when I've been focusing. Focus is one thing I've made a mental note to keep track of. I've done an ok job with it lately, stopping play when I catch myself surfing 2+2, zoning out, watching tv etc.. but I generally don't catch myself until I'm in a big spot and I'm unsure what to do, so that's something I need to improve.

The other thing I'm still fighting is motivation. While I'm more confident in my game than I was to start the year, I still am having troubles motivating myself to play, but I feel that's something that will come with time. This time last year I was barely playing, I think I played maybe 2k cash hands and maybe 100 sngs between January and May.. then the nice weather hit, and I put in a much higher volume... so as long I put in some volume, I feel I'll be fine for the year.

So, March.. here I come like a lion :)

Deconstruction/Reconstruction

As I start my poker life as a primarily cash game player.. I'm realizing that sometimes I feel like I don't have the slightest clue as to what I'm doing.  Some might say it's inexperience, read more watch videos post etc.  I feel like it is the exact opposite problem.  I feel like I've taken in so much information from so many different sources that I was never able to digest it all properly, so when a moment comes up where I need some knowledge.. I recall about 7 or 8 different articles, written by 7 or 8 different people, with 7 or 8 different playing styles, and I have a difficult time choosing which option is the best option for the spot I'm in.  This often creates a lot of frustration and leads me to choosing either an -ev option or the option that isn't the most +ev.  I know that I'm going to make mistakes, as I simply haven't played enough cash game hands to really pick up on all +ev spots, but when I'm reviewing a session and I find spots that I know I should have done differently, it's slightly irritating.  

So what I feel I need to do is pretty much forget everything I've read about poker.  Keep the basics in my head (hand rankings are kind of important ldo)  but re-learn everything.  Go through sources that I know and trust when I feel I need to learn more about a specific concept.. but for the most part, re-teach myself how to play.  I don't feel like I'm a particularly bad player, but I do feel like I'm trying to do too much at times, rather than sticking with simple things that beat micro games.  Overall, I'm fairly happy with my cash game so far, but I know there are things I need to improve in order to be able to move up and crush higher games.  Hopefully by re-learning this game, I will be able to play on a higher level than I have been playing on lately.

Done

That's right... done.  What is it I'm done with you might ask?  Poker?  Hell no, I love this game.  Then what could is possibly be?  Anything with rising blinds.  Sng's.. multi table sngs.. mtt's.. I've grown to hate them.  They literally bring the worst out in me.  Normally I'm a super chill dude, real laid back, easy going.. never letting anything bother me.  Those things I'm done with... more specifically tournaments... make me the exact opposite kind of person.  I get mad, sometimes throw (small) stuff, yell outloud, make me lose confidence in my game... gamble outside of my bankroll some, make me not realize I shouldn't be playing... basically all emotional control goes out the window when I play tournaments.

Also an emotion that I almost never have in real life really starts to creep in.. and that's jealousy.  3 of my friends play poker as well.  All 3 of them have wins, with nice finishes to go along with those wins.  I on the other hand, have been left in the dust in terms of mtt finishes.   My best big field finish is 5th in a $2.20 on stars.  My biggest non 4.40/180 non sattelite cash is $112 on stars, meanwhile my other 3 friends each have at least 1 4 figure score, with one friend having a 5 figure score.  To say I'm a little jealous would be an understatement.  

I realize mtt variance, especially in the massive micro fields, is incredibly large, but to not even have a sniff at a big payday or deep run since April '08 is pretty damn depressing... and with each week that goes on and every time I load one up, only to get knocked out by some donk holding A8.. I feel the weight on my shoulders getting heavier and heavier.  

So what have I decided to do?  Quit.  Well quit is probably a bit harsh of a word.  But that's basically what I mean.  Stop playing anything with rising blinds.  They've become nothing but a load of frustration combined with a big black hole for my bankroll.  I might enjoy the occasional donkament here or there just to break up the monotony.. and I think this summer I'd like to take one week and play a ton of $1.20 1 table sngs, just to try and qualify for the b.o.p... but other than that... it's not worth it.  Cash is what I'm best at.. its what I feel I have a more natural feel for.. it fits my personality much better.  I can start a session, realize 10 minutes into it I'm not into it and go do something else.  It's just more of what I'm about in life.  I know I've said similar things before.. but before I at least still found mtt's fun, and I hope in the future I find them fun again.. but right now there is nothing I find appealing about them.  They pretty much make me sick to my stomach.

.....

I was able to get my entire hand history from poker stars..and I'm currently in the process of loading them all into my poker tracker... should be pretty interesting..if they ever fully upload ( I keep getting errors and there are quite a few hands) For several reasons, I've never really had a full, long database, I'm kind of excited/nervous to see how I've done in cash games, especially over the last year.

/end bitching and long winded rambling.